Where Are My Clothes?
by Masque31
Summary: Merlin takes revenge on Arthur's bogie snorting abilities while Morgana thinks of new ways to make hell for Arthur. All in all, not a good day for him. Hilarious randomness, includes talking loofah and pink fluffy knickers!


**Random idea I got from reading '30 ways to annoy Arthur' hee hee luv arthur/morgana!! and merlin/morgana!!!! But Arthur/ merlin friendship is DA BBEESSSTT!!! SQUEEEEEE!!!! I saw a Merlin 2010 annual in WHS Smith and I went CRAYYZEEEE!!!!!**

**Whoops almost forgot the disclaimer: Disclaimer: don't own Merlin *SOB* *SOB***

**Where Are My Clothes?!**

Arthur rolled out of bed in an extremely bad mood. Merlin was late _again_. Thump. Crash. Merlin rolled through the door and attempted to do up his laces while on the floor, on his back.

"MERLIN!"

"Yes Sire?" Merlin gave his annoying smile, which Arthur grumpily admitted to himself was quite cute.

"You know the door?"

"Yes?"

"You knock on it when you come in. Remember knocking?"

Just to demonstrate, Arthur rapped on Merlin's head 3 times. Merlin shot him an upside-down glare of deepest annoyance and proceeded to kick the door 3 times.

"Right. Just for kicking the Royal Door, you get to play in the stocks for a minute!" Arthur barked at him.

"Merlin, who was still lying on the floor, replied

"What's the penalty for being a prat? Surely you must be married to the stocks by now?"

Arthur flicked a boot at him.

"5 minutes!"

Merlin groaned like a bull having an orgasm.

"You sound like a bull having an orgasm."

Merlin smiled annoyingly.

"Thank you Sire!"

Arthur snorted and a bogie splattered Merlin.

The offensive bogie-snorter in question now began to take his nightshirt off and walked towards the bathroom.

Merlin picked his own nose and wiped it on Arthur's nightshirt. He stared at it for a moment, a devious revenge forming in his mind.

* * *

Arthur hummed tunelessly in the bath while scrubbing himself with his pink loofah.

Steam flowed everywhere so Arthur couldn't see a thing.

A door creaked.

"Merlin?" Arthur whispered.

"Morgana?"

"Gwen?"

"Anyone?"

By now, Arthur sounded extremely frightened and was now cowering behind his wooden tub. Suddenly, his loofah began to float and the front flaps moved like a mouth.

"_Prince Arthur!"_

Arthur opened his mouth and properly screamed a high pitched wail.

_"I am the loofah of Iskanderun_ (badly spelt turkish word for Alexandria. Was watching horrible histories lol)_ You will bow to my awesome power!"_

Arthur quickly bowed.

"I will do anything for your awesome loofahness!"

_"You will be nicer to everyone, especially servants. You will not longer put anyone in the stocks!"_

"Yes My Lord! Sorry My Lord!"

The loofah dropped and went limp. Arthur poked it tentatively.

"Phew!" he said when it didn't moved.

Suddenly...

_"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" _It screamed.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Arthur.

* * *

Merlin grinned as he made away with his prize. Ha, Arthur was so gullible.

Suddenly, he bumped into Morgana.

"I have a plan!" she said.

Merlin raised his eyebrows "Go on."

"You keep watch while I sneak into Arthur's bathroom and steal his clothes!"

"Too late!" Merlin vaguely moved the pile of clothes in his hands.

Morgana snorted with laughter.

"Ooh!" she squealed "Idea!"

* * *

Arthur felt around for his clothes.

"Merlin. Merlin? Merlin! MERLIN! MERLIN?!" Arthur began screaming.

Arthur covered his good bits and peeked round the door. Empty.

He frantically began to search all over his room for any bit of cloth. Even his sheets and curtains had been removed. He opened his basket of washing to find a pair of fluffy pink knickers.

"Oh god no!"

He looked around. There was literally nothing to cover himself with except...those.

Arthur gritted his teeth and told himself that men wore fluffy pink knickers too and he was a man!

He abandoned all dignity and pulled them on.

* * *

Gwen was walking innocently down an innocent corridor carrying an innocent pile of clothes when she saw something that was not quite so innocent. Prince Arthur, all dignity aside, in a pair of pink fluffy knickers. And nothing else. Gwen quite honestly thought his groin had been attacked by living perverted pink fluff. He had an expression of terror which froze as he saw Gwen. It was an awkward scene. Little Gwen looking all innocent in a nice little yellow dress, staring at a partially naked Arthur covered in pink fluff and blushing like a maid.

Also unfortunately for Arthur, Gwen was in one of her kooky moods, and so a maidservant went up to the Crown Prince of Camelot and whacked him on the bum with a towel. And whispered "kinky!" in his ear. And then very loudly said "MY LORD? YOU SEEM TO BE LACKING IN THE CLOTHES DEPARTMENT!"

"Guinevere!" squeaked Arthur in terror.

Gwen dropped a heavy wink.

"I need a favour! I need those clothes!"

Gwen extruded one from the bottom of the pile. Arthur stared at it in horror. It was a bra.

"Sorry, this is Morgana's washing!"

Arthur rolled his eyes and grabbed a purple velvet petticoat. He stuffed himself into it hurriedly and promptly broke the seams. He looked, if possible, even worse. Gwen poked it and it fell into a pile of velvet confetti.

And to make matters worse, Merlin and Morgana decide to come along and cackle madly at him.

"_Merlin_?!_ Morgana_?!" Arthur gritted his teeth as he spoke.

It really wasn't a good day at that point for Arthur, because Morgana, choking through her laughter, uttered the dooming, yet cryptic phrase.

"..G..Get..him..g..g..irls..s!"

Which Arthur didn't fully understand until he heard the tell tale screaming and thundering of...

1,000 fangirls, clutching every item of cloth in his entire room, including the tea cosy.

"Prince Arthur!" screamed the first one.

"Get him!" they yelled at once.

And so, the Prince was now being chased by rabid fangirls in a pair of fluffy knickers.

* * *

"I believe it to be a Mer-chicken Sire!" said Gaius, brandishing a book in Uther's face.

"Sorcery!"yelled Uther "I must send Arthur and the knights to kill it!"

"Sire?"

"Yes Sir Gawain?"

"Isn't that your son being chased by rabid fangirls in a pair of pink fluffy knickers?"

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"Would you like some tea?"

"Yes I'd love some!"

So Uther, Gaius and Sir Gawain spent the rest of the afternoon drinking tea.

* * *

Merlin was arranging Arthur's clothes in untidy piles when aforementioned prince burst back into the room. He was as graffiti-ed as a bridge left to a group of modern teenagers. Merlin read some of it.

_Arthur Marry Me_

_I Love You_

_Nice Pecs_

_Sorry your Lordliness, I'm Lesbian_

"No!" screamed Merlin, mock-cowering "Don't throw me in the stocks!

"I can't. The loofah told me not too," replied Arthur.

"Right."

"I need a bath and this time, I'm wearing my clothes!"

"Of course Sire!"

* * *

Arthur woke up, his vision blurred by pink.

"Urggugggh!" he moaned, leaning up on his elbow.

_"Tomorrow Prince Arthur, you will promise to dance naked in the council chamber!"_

"I promise."

* * *

Arthur woke up for real this time.

"AAHHHHH!!!" he screamed and ran into the bathroom.

He nearly fainted. The loofah was a foot away from where he'd left it.

* * *

**Well that's the end of another random one shot! And on to another! Three words. Camelot. The. Chav. **

**Coming soon to a computer near you.**

**Reviews please!**


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